mother of pearl

I smell children…
March 9, 2010, 8:19 pm
Filed under: .stuff. | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

I hate children.

For those of you who know me, that was an accurate statement for many, many years.  Before you tell me, “You hateful woman, I hope your cat smothers you to death in your sleep,” let me explain the circumstances for that statement.

I was the youngest child. I never babysat. I never hung around playgrounds or parks. I never had friends that had children. I never liked the looks of children, with their little faces and their dirty hands.  I could never tell the difference between a child’s laugh and a child’s cry. I could never tell the difference between a child’s cry and a bulldozer.  When I was 14 I was attacked by the likes of a creepy little blonde girl – aged 4– who covered my nose and mouth with her tiny little hands (which make quite a tight seal). A panic attack and sweating fits ensued.  No one helped me. I never knew you weren’t supposed to feed children pebbles.

I’m happy to say that, after 26 years, I have transcended the thoughts of my youth. I no longer am in fear of the midget-like humans that run around, enjoying dirt and drawing and running and playing and Dinosaur Train. I relish in the fact that, with a child around, I can act like one (minus the urinating on myself… as of yesterday).

Four days ago I made an awesome diorama–fort–3D–castle–map type thing with a child. I had a blast.

I am Allison Mason, and I no longer hate children.